There’s a new Ryan Murphy series on FX and Hulu, it’s called The Beauty, and it is packed to the brim with butts. Sure there’s some tasteful back nudity here and there, and the show certainly earns its MA rating thanks to exploding supermodels and gross transformations. But true to basic cable form, it sticks to a “no frontal nudity” rule, and instead provides copious amounts of back nudity. Or: butts.
So with that in mind, and because you can’t spell “beauty” without “butts,” let’s crack into the butts of The Beauty, and ass-k the important question, which Beauty booty is the most hooty (aka worth yelling about)? Yes, this site is Mr. Skin circa 2012, why do you ask?
Spoiler warning for The Beauty past this point, as well as nudity warning for [Tina Belcher voice] butts.
Bella Hadid’s Pre-Explosion Butt
Actually, let’s start off slow with a clothed butt. In the opening sequence, Bella Hadid is on the runway in Paris, and decides to run amok instead in a skin-tight red suit. In a perfectly fitting gross way to begin this list, she ends up bloodied and twisted after a chase with the cops, then pulls herself back together to go hog wild in a restaurant before exploding all over the Paris PD.
Beauty Butt Rating: Good! Is that how you rate butts? Honestly, no idea, I’ll figure it out as we go along.
Rebecca Hall’s Pass Butt
After a bout of energetic morning sex, FBI agent Jordan Bennett (Rebecca Hall) dismounts fellow agent Cooper Madsen (Evan Peters), and walks over to the window of their hotel room, butt naked. But not front naked! Just butt naked. Anyway, there’s her butt. And if you’re wondering about “Rebbeca Hall’s Pass Butt” it’s that I wanted to make a “Hall Pass” joke and her butt passes by quickly. Oh, you got it? And it wasn’t funny? Right-o, captain.
Beauty Butt Rating: Another great butt. Two for two on the whole “butt” thing.
American Butt Story: Evan Peters
In a classic “only on TV” move, Evan Peters doesn’t get out of bed naked like Rebecca Hall. No, he puts on his underwear in the bed without revealing himself, like normal human beings do. However, in the interest of gender equity we’ll note that you do see his black clad butt in his tight boxer briefs when he comes over to give Hall a light.
Beauty Butt Rating: No Monster here, this butt is a WandaVision! What am I even talking about!
Marry That Butt Today
After incel Jeremy (Jeremy Pope) discovers his LazyTown-esque plastic surgery did not make him irresistible to women, he goes to kill his surgeon (played by Jon Jon Briones) until the latter offers another possibility. That turns out to be a black leather clad “bride” (played by Chanel Stewart) who joins him in a hotel room. We, the viewers, know she has The Beauty, the STD that turns you into your best, most gorgeous self. And how is that STD transferred? The “S” part, of course.
While there’s no butt nudity here either, you do get to see plenty of thrustin’ butts both in close-up and in a mirror over the bed. Side-note: Thrustin’ Butts is the name of my honky-tonk band, we’re playing at the roadhouse off Route 86 on Saturday. Come check us out!
Beauty Butt Rating: That’s a butt alright!
Ayyy, Imma Da Pope Butt
The smoke is coming from the chimney because a new Pope butt has been elected. Specifically, Jeremy Pope’s butt as he emerges from his Beauty-cocoon with a new, muscled body including a chiseled behind. Sure, he’s covered in spidery goop as he flexes and screams in the hotel bathroom. But also, you can be sure you’ll have a religious experience as you check out this pointy flex.
Beauty Butt Rating: This Pope is dope.
Hall O And Good (Butt) Bye
You won’t have this butt to look at anymore! After hooking up with a random Italian hottie towards the end of Episode 2, “Beautiful Jordan,” turns out he has The Beauty. And the next morning, Jordan seizes on the floor in her underwear as the STD wracks her body. Sure she got that “o” last night, but now it’s time to say good butt bye.
Beauty Butt Rating: That’s some acro-butt-ics right there.
Jessica Alexander Checks Out Her New Butt
Welp, that’s a series wrap on Rebecca Hall. Because emerging from the goop cocoon is actress Jessica Alexander as the new Jordan. And with a new Jordan comes a new butt, which she checks out in the bathroom. Never has one been so disturbed to feel their own butt!
Beauty Butt Rating: After playing Ursula’s human form Vanessa in The Little Mermaid, you know Alexander understands the importance of… Body language.
Buttside Down
Moving on to Episode 3, “Beautiful Christopher Cross,” we check in with Anthony Ramos’ nameless assassin. While you won’t see his hams (that’s almost a Hamilton joke), you do get to see him torture a Beauty-afflictee upside down. Buttside down? I don’t know.
Beauty Butt Rating: It’s an Upside F! (That’s an A+)
Butt Boat
While mid-torture, Ramos gets a call from Ashton Kutcher’s Byron Forst / The Corporation, who is getting a blowjob on a boat by a butt beauty. Or I guess you see her butt in a thong swimsuit. Then he eats pizza. There you go!
Beauty Butt Rating: Boat butt beauty blowie? Booyah!
Booty Call
The Assassin tracks down Jeremy’s surgeon, and gets him to set a trap for the newly hot incel. But while calling him, Jeremy isn’t pausing his sex session with the cleaning lady, down to placing his phone on her butt while he takes her from behind.
There’s plenty of butt in this scene as Jeremy continues to chat and sex (is that a verb?) including flipping her over in the most explicit sex scene on the show so far… Though it should be noted, still only butt nudity… Even when Jeremy climaxes, and the cleaning lady is lying “naked” on the bed, there’s still coverings for her, uh, bits. Stick to your guns, The Beauty!
Beauty Butt Rating: Two, two, two butts in one!
The First Rule Of Butt Club…
The first rule of butt club? You do not talk about butt club. Anyway, The Assassin tracks down Jeremy and after a very sexy shower attacks him, leading to a butt naked fight scene between the two.
Beauty Butt Rating: Hey, he’s already got one crack there, you don’t want a second one!
The Second Rule Of Butt Club…
You do not talk about butt club! After a brief detour to discuss Christopher Cross, The Assassin and Jeremy track down the Beauty-infected housemaid at her home, where she’s sweaty and gross and going nuts, while also wearing a tiny pair of white panties. They fight, and Jeremy kills her horribly with a frying pan.
Beauty Butt Rating: If it’s your first night at butt club? You must butt.
So which butt is best? [Points towards screen] You decide! Three episodes premiered today, and maybe we’ll come back and update this with more Beauty butts as the series continues. Who knows! Butts!
The Beauty Premiere Dates And Episode Guide:
New episodes of The Beauty premiere Wednesdays at 9 pm ET on Hulu, and 9 pm ET/PT on FX. The season will premiere with three episodes on January 21, followed by a staggered release schedule until the Season 1 finale.
Here’s what we expect from the full list of episodes in The Beauty Season 1, with premiere dates.
- Wednesday, January 21, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 1, “Beautiful Pilot”
- Wednesday, January 21, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 2, “Beautiful Jordan”
- Wednesday, January 21, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 3, “Beautiful Christopher Cross”
- Wednesday, January 28, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 4, “Beautiful Chimp Face”
- Wednesday, February 4, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 5, “Beautiful Billionaires”
- Wednesday, February 11, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 6, “Beautiful Patient Zero”
- Wednesday, February 18, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 7, “Beautiful Living Rooms”
- Wednesday, February 25, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 8, “Beautiful Brothers”
- Wednesday, February 25, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 9, “Beautiful Evolution”
- Wednesday, March 4, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 10, “Beautiful Beauty Day”
- Wednesday, March 4, 2026: The Beauty, Season 1, Episode 11, “Beautiful Betrayal” *Season Finale*
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